Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I'll Never Wash This Hand Again

The adorbs Marc Maron.  Image courtesy wtf.com.
Do you guys have celebrity crushes?

I do.

Tonight was SUCH a special night that I was not only in the same physical space as my comic celebrity crush, Marc Maron, of the awesome, sometimes heartbreaking, always hilarious, cry-so-hard-you'll-laugh/laugh-so-hard-you'll-cry WTF podcast (it is quite a catharsis), but we even made physical contact with our hands when we shook them together!

The Sirius radio show Unmasked hosted Maron tonight, and it was on my way out that the big moment came.

I normally don't approach celebrities because it makes me self-conscious, which is a direct effect of THEM feeling self-conscious because they see me seeing them, and then we both know we're seeing each other and comprehending their public persona and it's just an awful, contrived moment.  Do you know what I mean?

Anyway, I went out on a limb tonight with Maron.  It was a small, friendly group of us there, after all, and I wasn't really holding him up, even if he was on his way to Hoboken, New Jersey. 

So as we're shaking hands I say, "I'm a big fan of your podcast, it's just really great.  Thanks again."

To which he says, "Thanks!" and then, "I've seen you before, no?"

Then, as you can imagine, I'm as RED as this tomato-kale soup I'm eating alone for dinner right now, and I decide to take our exchange to a whole new level. 

I says to him, I says to Marc Maron, I says--and I just thought of this, just off the cuff, like it just came to me!--I said:

"No."

And then I stood there for a beat longer.  And then I said something that I think really snagged his attention, "Well, thanks again!"

I sort of felt like this:


Conan O'Brien et Rebecca Romijn-Stamos

But you know, it's sort of all in vain.  He has this girlfriend.  Uugh, gag me!  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she is cool and all, but tell me, is she as cool as a thirty-something unemployed wanna-be comedian blogger?

I think the facts speak for themselves.