Sunday, April 10, 2011

Gone Junking for a "Sensuous Man"

What a day to go junking!

Sometimes something so awesome comes along that all you can say to yourself in the face of its breathtaking awesomeness is, "This is some awesome shit."

Such is what happened to me when I found a treasure tucked away in a brown box of free shit at 3rd Place and Henry Street.  There was a lot of free shit on the stoops today--spring cleaning, I guess.  I saw a Wishbone dog VHS tape, a scrambled assortment of plastic army men, and a medieval castle playset that had a real drawbridge!

I also saw acrylic paints, a stained sheet, and a movie about the solar system.  All solid finds.  I took none of them.  I don't know, but in retrospect I must have had a psychic instinct to hold out for something better.  "Be patient, Pamela, some awesome shit is about to come your way," my inner voice intoned, I think.  I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

But the crux of the issue is this: the weather was very nice and I wanted to trip lightly through the streets, and my bag was already bogged down with a bag of jelly beans I had in there.

Onward I went until there it was, like a musty piece of trash rotting in the tepid fallout of the BQE:

Ladies and gentlemen, I've met my match.

I haven't gotten very far into Dell Publishing's 1971 book The Sensuous Man ("the first how-to book for the man who wants to be a great lover") yet, but a cursory view of the table of contents tells me chapter 12 subsection "Over the Hump--or Sex During Pregnancy" is going intrigue.

The oral technique of "The Velvet Buzz Saw" described in chapter 8 sounds terrifying, but "The Strawberry Suckle" sounds simply delicious!

Chapter 13, subsection "Every Twenty-Eight Days! Red, Red Everywhere" reminds me, take heed, for this is not a book that can be read, read everywhere, like on the subway, at your mom's house, or at a children's playground, for example.

I will have to select my places of reading wisely, so as to appear as a fit member of society.  Regardless, stay tuned!  I plan to share many, many, MANY quotes.

For all you fellas out there, you can thank me later.  IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!!!!  LOLOLOL!!!!!!