Friday, January 28, 2011

To Market, To Market: "Moisturizing Moisturizers"

Mario Badescu, you're writing the jokes for me.  It's all in the subject line:

I've enlarged it here for the blind and bespectacled:

Well, color me enlightened!  A moisturizer that true to the definition of the word itself moisturizes your skin.  Say goodbye to all those hardening lotions, you guys.  No more rough-making lotions.  No more of those cumbersome skin coarsers.  Finally, finally a lotion that ADDS moisture to your skin--doesn't take it away!!!!!!   I feel so in-the-know, it's like I'm a beauty expert or something!!!  From now on, only moisturizing moisturizers for me.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

What shall I be today?

Looking for jobs is fun. I like to imagine all the interesting careers I could have, like so many schizophrenic, overqualified Barbies. What shall I be today? Perhaps a Kidney and Liver Transplant Specialist? Or maybe a Head Lice Removal Specialist? So many choices!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

'Shit Better Be City-Appropriate

Saw this today:

Finally, Lauren asks the big question!!!  "How can I wear leather and suede in a sleek, city-appropriate way?"  Finally!!! THANK YOU LAUREN!!!!!  This is so awesome.  Because you can wear the shit out of leather and suede, but if it ain't City-Appropriate what's the point?  (snicker, snicker)  How many TIMES have I seen a $2500 fitted leather racing jacket on a woman in SoHo and thought, "You bumpkin!  Look at you!!!  More like City-Inappropriate!!!"

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

How to be a VIB Part III: Learn Cutting Edge Technology

If you can master complex systems like Facebook and Twitter, this $115k/year government job might be right for you! Remember though, social media is a grave responsibility, and you probably can't handle it unless you have the emotional maturity of someone at least 22 years old.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

VIP Businesswomen...the SERIES?

I think the "VIP Businesswomen" topic is substantial enough to turn it into a full-fledged blog series, but I haven't thought about it any longer than it's taken me to write this sentence.  It's worth trying for though, and here is why: I am full of important information on how to successfully be a Very Important Businesswoman.  First tip:
  1. Throw a Fit if You Are Not Ccd on an Email
This one is as simple as it sounds.  Go ahead, try it!   The next time you don't get Ccd on an email, simply stomp around your office corridors and make wild gesticulations that show your coworkers that you are angry, nay, insulted that you have been left out of a thread of meaningless, time-wasting sentence fragments that have eaten up space on the company server and will henceforth have to be deleted from your inbox to promptly make room for the next batch.  People will interpret your urgent, impassioned reaction not as the self-aggrandizing act of philistinism that it is, but as sincere concern for the well-being of the company.  You will be promoted.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

How to be a Very Important Businesswoman

Innovative millennial job-hunting tactics here for those interested in becoming a "general scientist" (I prefer the term scientician myself) or game designer ("Employee will responsible for making up a fun game"). The fact that I'm way too old to be considered part of this group but still find this article amusing is funny in a sad way, like Liza Minnelli. On a related note, the odious Christopher Buckley offers something to be enraged about in this month's Atlantic when he writes about an hilarious episode in his life in which he moved back home: "I don't have the statistics for this, but it's quite possible, in this economy, that even some recent college grads are."

Monday, January 3, 2011

New blog ideas

Why, I say, limit myself to just Casual Slacks? Why not start a blog called.... "Elegant Lounge Wear!?" Or "Vast Oeuvre!" Or "Suspiciously Milky Tea?" I'm telling you people, I have a LOT of ideas right now!