Monday, February 21, 2011

You're Soooooooooooo Smart

Do you guys use to track your finances?  I sooooooort of do, in that I signed up for it and never log in, but every few days the system sends you status updates and they're really MFing dramatic about it:

Let's take a second look at that figure they've interrupted my day to tell me about:

Srsly, Mint?  WTF?  You MFing EMAILED me to tell me I owe another seventy-nine cents?  79 cents.  Seriously.  No, seriously, you emailed me to tell me that?  Seventy-nine cents is, like, the least of my worries, dude, you are WASTING my MFing time.  Seriously, Mint, you're an asshole.  You're like the Nelly of email listserves, sniveling into my inbox like you know it all.  79 cents?  I can dig that out of the fucking asphalt.  I got "hit" with a finance charge?  COME ON!!!!!!!

Mint, like Nelly, so fucking proud.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

YOU go back to biology.

Took a New York Times heath quiz, "How Much Do You Know About Your Body?"  I'm questioning the accuracy of the results:

"Go Back to Biology 101?"

YOU go back to biology, New York Times.  Your MOM should go back to biology.  Your FACE...

As a self-diagnosed hypochondriac with health issues that have run the gamut from impacted teeth and upper respiratory inflammation, to plantar fasciitis and foot surgery, biology is not my Achilles heel.  If there is one thing I can show from regular bouts of insomnia it's my deep knowledge of things that could physiologically be wrong with me.  I'm not talking about visits to WebMD, that's kid's stuff. 

If you're a hardcore-hypo like me, you're watching your own surgery, studying diagrams of the human eye ("It's 3:47AM--are you going BLIND?  Better find out!"), and evaluating whether you have AV nodal reentrant tachycardia or if 5:00PM is simply too late to drink coffee.

So yeah, your FACE, New York Times.