Saturday, May 14, 2011

Red Carpet PSA

For the love of Doritos, ladies, stop standing like this.  Your center of gravity is off when you do that and you're liable to tip.  Plus your legs look like capital Xs.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Today's Forecast

Oh, hi. I didn't notice you there. I was busy running my hands through my thick mane. I know, it's impressive isn't it? These two lovely ladies seem to think so. I call them Blonde and Brunette. Maybe they have real names, I don't know. Yeah, they're acting like they don't see me, but they do. They love me. Know why? Gorgeous: that's why.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


I'm as free as a bird! As free as a bird in a wheat field!

"Extra! Extra! Woman Liberated After Standing In Wheat Field!"

This got my brain thinking about questions, questions like: Who has access to a wheat field? Who aspires to stand in a wheat field? When did standing in a wheat field become something women want to do? How is a wheat field representational of women? Isn't it yogurt's job to be the voice of women?

Yogurt's going to be pissed when she finds out about wheat field. Yogurt worked hard to get where she is. Yogurt will want to stand in the middle of that wheat field. If wheat field and yogurt start fighting to be the voice of women but then they die pulling out each other's hair, what will happen to women?

Who will we turn to if wheat field and yogurt are both gone? What will it mean for the cause of women's liberation if yogurt and wheat field kill each other when they were supposed to just support one other? Wouldn't their actions be contrary to the very cause for which they stand? For the love of God, someone toss a cup of Dannon out in that wheat field and let this nightmare end! Please! For the love of yogurt. And wheat fields. And all that is liberating about womanhood.